Sunday, May 22, 2005

Ta Ta

Okie dokie.

This is my last post.

It has been fun but now I've been told I'm a significant mental risk to others because I am capable of not caring about people.

Aren't I horrid.

So that's that.

My friends will know the location of my new blog when it is online.

Yes, I need my blog because I can vent my frustrations to it.

This has certainly been fun and productive and I do hope to continue to use a weblog to release my emotions.

So goodbye.

All comments are being disabled to prevent my new address appearing here.

To all my readers, I thank you. If you would like to know my new blog address but do not know me personally please send an email to xmakina@gmail.com with the subject "New Blog". Jess and Becky, that's kinda for you two.

Bye Bye xander1987.blogspot.com I will not forget you.

It has to start somewhere
It has to start somehow
What better place than here?
What better time than now?

All Hell Can't Stop Us Now.

Friday, May 20, 2005

^_^

Heehee - bugger that.

I just got me an email from Andy Runton. The guy behind Owly =)

And it wasn't just some crappy automail. It was an actual response =)

I'm feeling all Yay! now =) ^_^

I'm buying his second Owly book tomorrow so more ^_^ =)

And it's Jess's first visit to Nottingham tomorrow. We're gonna show her around Void and everything. Wil be muchly fun. Only hope she gets a little better. She says she's feeling really ill and that sucks =(

And then tomorrow, I have to go to this ceremony thingy for my Grandad. It'll be weird. He's a reverand and I'm me... I really want to wear my Devil T-Shirt, just to see his reaction. But then again, I do like my Grandparents so I think I'll just keep it to my Pentagram ring and Dragon pendant =)

I gotta dress all smart apparently, so tomorrow is a tip off between Devil T-Shirt (if it's been washed) or my full greb gear (which I must expand/develop soonish) =)

nighty night world =)

quotation

"i think little bits of eternity are made up from everyone's experiences of love"

Not me. Sophie. She asked me to keep that quote safe because she reckons she'll have forgotten it by tomorrow.

I'm not in the mood tonight.

Good night.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I'm gonna stay 18 forver/So we can stay like this forever

Congratu-fucking-lations life. Here I am, trying to make something of being 18 and what do you do? Fuck me in the eyes.

Brutally you bastard.

So I thought having a girl OD because of me last year was bad enough? Well now you make someone do it fully.

But now here's the kick.

We fell out just before she finally killed herself.
So I don't actually feel that bad.
Am I the ultimate bastard?
Or do I really not miss what I had?

It's really quite bizarre. I think it's a state of mental shock. Fuck whatever it is. All I know for certain is I'm listening to awesomely funky Electric 6, I'm going to go see Athlete at Derby in November with Sophie (she's a huge fan so we're gonna go together and hopefully meet Charlotte there (yes Marshy, your sis)) (courtesy of Andrew), (wow, this is a fuck off load of brackets) and I've just won me a sword on eBay.

Which sword?
This sword

Heehee =)

So I'm oddly muchly happy.

What else happened toady?

Ooooooh. - I got Mezmerize. It's amazing. I've not listened to it in full - I didn't want to associate Mezmerize with arguing with people. I'll listen to it tomorrow.

And Sophie had her first "free" lesson. I had a free so we went off to the nearby park and chilled until a bunch of idiots turned up and started pissing us both off so we had a long walk back to school. But it was muchly fun. I kinda wish I was year 12 cos then I'd have the EMA and a year with the friends that are staying on.

But age I must and I'm pretty confident on going for the idea I've had to go live in Derby whilst I work at Rolls Royce. I think it'll rock. I'm hoping to flat share with someone in the Osmaston area. I got a limit of £60 a week and I have seen a place that would work really well - so I know they do exist =)

And me and Sophie planned out some ideas for the summer holidays. I've watched whole 6 weeks go to waste because all I planned I never actually did. So this time I'm trying to come up with at least 12 good ideas and do one every week. Cos, ya know, wanna actually Do Something this holiday.

But the half term has kinda snuck up on me. So that should be fun too.

Anyways - off now. Will blog soon. bybye.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Sophie, Movies and wonderful Owly

Well - I was out the house for nearly 36 hours. That was fun. Friday night I went to Sophies for a movie night and it was fun. Watched Blade Trinity, which is okay I guess, and House Of Flying Daggers, which is better than Blade:T.

And then we did it again. A sleepover where no one really slept. I ended up dosing on Sophies lap whilst she chatted with JP about stuff. Sophie showed him her diary and it does make damn interesting reading. But I was lapsing in and out of conciousness at this point so I wasn't paying much attention.

We went into Derby today. Went to Purple Haze and while Bob was buying new trousers I got myself this really nice dragon pendant. Was only £2.50 so if I lose it or it breaks it's no biggy. And I saw an Owly comic in Travelling Man. I feel I should talk about Owly. I first found him in Free Comic Book Day. The style of comic is pretty unique. His charachters don't speak per se but use symbols and pictures in the speech bubbles.

The stories are really sweet and touching and I just kinda fell in love with it. So, yeah. I'll probably be carrying a copy around with me for the next few days so those who know me bother me for it if you want to read. I guess it kinda clashed with the whole new Devil T-Shirt... but I don't really care =)

I saw an Owly graphic novel in Travelling Man for £6.50 so I thought if I didn't see anything in Nottingham I'd get it. I didn't see anything in Nottingham =)

And so I now have an amazing Devil T-Shirt and a wonderful Owly novel. I'm getting the second book next week =)

So I'm very happy now. ^_^

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Mic Check, Hu ha!

hehe - i still love my own company sometimes.

Had double free last so it was into derby for me. Remember that light gun I bought on Saturday? Well it was very broken. So I took it and House Of The Dead 2 back. Gamestation are awesome. No questions asked. Full cash refund. I know where I'm going for my cheapass gaming needs again =)

And so I was in Derby, £15 burning a hole in my pocket and "Rage Against The Machine - The Ghost Of Tom Joad" in my ears. Off to Blue Dove. They've got some muchly funky new stuff in. And there was this T-Shirt... I saw it and I wanted it. But I know me. I'm a shopper who browses then buys. I went around Derby checking out a few places.

Reveal weren't selling either of the albums I was looking for. So that option went. There were a few posters I saw I quite liked. But at £4 a shot.... I was a little wary. And I was hungry. There is No Where in Derby where I can get a good (filling at least) meal (not a baguette or shit like that) for under £4. So I tried this place in the market. It was nice enough.

And during that meal I decided. I'd get the T-Shirt I saw for £10.99, and with the left over £4 get a poster. So I did.

I now have an amazing T-Shirt (wearing it tomorrow) and I got a fantastic poster with this on it ^_^

So that was my day in Derby. Saw some cool Triscele necklace/pendants which I know Sophie will love to see. And I got her movie night tomorrow. Hoping all the movies appear soon =)

And, Jonesy, Thank you for showing me the incredibleness that is Rage =)

For Scooby

what do you want me to do?
Cry for the heart that was already broke?
Did you ever stop to think
This was always beyond hope?

I bet you never considered
This is what she wanted all along
She couldn't admit she was ill
She wouldn't see that she was strong

Blame Me
Go ahead
Everyone else did
I'll just hide in my bed

Can you imagine how I feel?
Knowing this is the second time
I've lost someone I love
And all the fault is mine?

But it won't hurt this time
Not as much at least
Because lets face it
Now I know I'm the beast

Blame me
Go ahead
Everyone else did
I'll just hide in my bed

So come now
I know i'm all wrong
Come and hit me all you like
Call me a useless mong
Because I just tried
And I failed
I told you it's what I do
Fail, Fail, Fail

So away you go
Down her broken path
Life gives me wonderful days
And it steals the memories and laughs

This time round I'm ready
This time round I'm prepared
This time round I've done some foreplanning
This time round I'm done with despair

Blame me
Go ahead
Everyone else did
I'll just hide in my bed

I've been broken by this
Been blamed for it all before
You just won't care
Because this all my cause

And so the curtain closes
I thought you'd realise
Now more than ever
I just can't cope with suicide

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Photos, Cemetaries and Sophie

today was fun.
this evening was even better.

holly took more photos. she's taking photos all week because it's our last week as a gang. after that they leave, and then the group has that horrid chance of never being whole again.

and this evening, after school.... *happy giggle* Wow! =)

I was walking Sophie home and we were talking about her ideas for a photo shoot. She wants to do a few in a cemetery/graveyard and I remembered the one from when me, Andy and Marshy got a bit to drink and went to. So I mentioned it to Sophie and if she was doing anything. She wasn't so we dropped our bags off at hers and I finally had something like a conversation with her mum.

Sophie's mum is a lot cooler when you're talking to her personally rather than through Sophie. And I saw Sophie's dad. He seemed cool. I don't know what to do in the face of praise though. All I can think of is that TV show I saw a few episodes of.

Anyways, we set off to this cemetery. We went through a churchyard (isn't it interesting how many different names there are for the places where we put the dead?) and saw some great places for photos.

As we came up to the church, I said:
"I love religion. They're the greatest marketting department."
"It is beautiful isn't it?" Sophie said, referring to the church
"No." I corrected her. "It's impressive. Now, where we're going, that's beautiful."

As we were hopping over a wall Sophie ripped her jeans quite badly =P =) New jeans to. 4 day old jeans.

We talked and walked and took in the incredible and beautiful views Belper has to offer those that care to look. The best thing is, it's immense in the day, it's wondorous at night.

We went down to the cemetery, but before reaching it we headed off down a worn path that ran alongside the cemetary. We found some awesome places for photos and movie scenes. And the whole are just didn't work. There were old trees but it looked like a house had been there. Not a long time ago neither. There was lots of window glass and red bricks. Not to mention a few broken plant pots and a metal cover with AC/DC on it.

The whole area was naturally wrong. It was brilliant =) And so much of it just begged for photos and filming. Tree frames, abandoned walls, crying tree, wow! It was amazing =)

And then we went to the cemetery. It was weird. Being around so much stuff like that, it makes you appreciate life so much more. And we spent a while on a bench, taking in the view. The view from the cemetary needs to be seen to be believed.

I meant what I said.
I meant every last breath.
I meant every name I called you.
You found me new life in a field of death.

After the cemetery we headed back to Sophies. It's a nice walk back too.

At Sophies her mum offered me tea. That was amazing. The last time I had tea at my friends house (and actually enjoyed it)... we're talking years. Easily. Hell, it verges on ever. Most parents I used to know just seemed to love grease and that's just *shudders* blegh. Sophie's mum is a great cook. No grease, nothing excessive, just a damn good meal.

And why am I getting so hung up on this? Because I've been cooking my own meals for the last 5 months. It makes you appreciate the distinct lack of cooking and cleaning, not to mention the quality of the meal.

Anyways, 5 outta 5 =)

Me and Sophs headed up to her room. We chilled, chatted, cuddled occassionally, and listened to music. We also got to see some of the photos Holly took today. Erg. I look shocking in most of them. Worse than usual.

But again, I meant it honey
I meant it when I said it
You rock more than anyone else
And not just because you listen when I feel like shit.

And there's an awesome photo of Brendan with the best caption ever. "Gay people do it best."

=)

So that was my day today. I missed a fair bit, becuase honestly I'm tired and my memory department closes at 7pm. After that it's a skeleton crew and they're not very good.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

My MSN Space

I got one of these new fangled MSN spaces. It's not too good, but I do use it to put piccies on, so you can go see what my friends look like =)

http://spaces.msn.com/members/xander1987/

Yeah =)

There's also a few links to my friends Spaces. I've done it again. This blog has rubbed off on them and now they're getting their own on MSN. Hehe. I'm infecitous =)

Quadruple Free Tuesday

Oh monsieur Blog, I simply must share this fine piece of fantastic news.

What was to be triple business is now quadruple free! I have got frees for the next 4 lessons!!! ^_^

But, alas, in school I must remain. I have a *ton* of work to do for business and ICT. Maths can go stick itself - I don't get it and I don't think I will in 4 weeks.

I'm not being defeatist, I'm being a realist. There's no point wasting time on a subject where I may just scrape an E when I can concentrate on pushing my other subjects up to A's.

Besides, Stafford doesn't care about my maths grade and Huddersfield doesn't even know I've taken it.

Anyways, a little bit of news in this crazy little world. Hopped onto my Hamsticus MSN account to find lil' miss Bitch (aka Gina) had added me to her contact list.

Turns out she added me for "sentimental value". But she's trying to forget her past... by being sentimental... hmmm... anyways, she's realised she was in the wrong (took her long enough) and doesn't want forgiveness. Which is just as well because she wasn't getting any.

And so, last night, I was thinking. The only person who I'm still getting problems off isn't actually Gina, it's her little sister Savannah. She still acknowledges my presence with an insult and she's still going full steam with her lies and rumors. Honestly, someone who saw this from outside would think I'd broken up with Sav, not Gina. Heh.

And so, back to the grind. I have some financial accounts to balance and some finance theories to learn. Then I need to work on my ICT coursework because it seems there is a great deal of it still missing. Oh dear...

And I got bored and worked out that over the weekend, my blog got 25 readers a day. I have 25 regular readers and to you 25 I offer my biggest hugs and thanks for actually coming here and reading this tripe of a life.

But all things considered, I feel better. Sure my eye is still being a bitch. Yesterday it felt like I had a piece of broken needle in it. It had the sharp sensation, but when I rubbed it it felt better, hence the broken needle. Or sand. But there's no sand around here so that's silly.

I think it's a two pronged attack. Conjunctivitus and Hayfever are ganging up on my poor right eye. It got so bad yesterday I actually had the day off work. You try pushing trolleys and rubbing your eyes at the same time. Even worse, changing bins. Imagine what kinda crap I'd have got in my eye if I'd had to change a particularly bad bin =/

What else is there to bore you with.... I think that's it. Star Wolves is an amazing game. Go get it.

Ooooh - how could I forget that? Miss Sophie is having herself a movie night this friday. Should be good fun. Blade Trinity, King Arthur uncut, and one other title which I've never heard of. And there'll be delicious Mars Bar Cake. It's the only cake that comes close to tying with my mums Chocolate Fudge Cake. It's like heaven in a bite. My mums only wins out because it has creamy chocolate stuff and that's half the fun when it comes to cakes ^_^

See, I'm a cake conniesuer (sp) too =)

Well... that killed a few minutes. Back to work...

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